Archive | November, 2009

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Me, Myself and I

Posted on 26 November 2009 by Judit

Working with myself and the ultimate reality for a while now, I can pretty much confirm that the ego and the self are not the same thing. I know it from experience, though this sounds a bit lofty, right?

Well, let’s approach it from the point of love. (Hmmm love, what else? “Bad habit”, I’m a buddhist. LOL) When we believe we love ourselves most of the time we just pamper our ego. I often get the advice: be a little bit nice to yourself, pamper yourself with a nice bath, a rejuvenating massage, some good food etc. That’s easy! Only give a little space and time for yourself and done. And in the bathtub looking at my big stomach I call myself a fat slut, at the masseur I start longing after sex and at the same time I call myself a slut again, and guess how shameful I feel like after eating a nice dinner! Yes, I’m talking about these thoughts. If someone else said these things to me, it would be an insult. But when I do it, I don’t even realize what I’m doing. Wonderful!

I was at Vivation course this weekend, and some of the masks of the ego fell down and suddenly – in a deep meditative state of mind – I was alone with myself. No ego buzzing around. Just me and myself. It was a bit scarry though, not often can I see myself this way. And the very first time in my life I was able to look at myself as I am, and even generate genuine love towards myself. It was scarry and at the same time very touching. Me as a wise and beautiful angel looking at a frightenered little girl the first time in this lifetime after 40 years of living next to each other speechless, most of the time ignorantly hovering around each other.

And do you know how I said hi to myself? I said: HELLO, KITTY! – and all this in damn serious deep meditation! Still makes me smile. HELLO, KITTY!

HELLO, KITTY! – I smiled at myself and took my hands and started hovering in the air with 2-3 more angels.

And this I would call unconditioned love, the realization of self(lessness). Precious moment. Because the ego is right away back like a guarddog which never sleeps. 🙂

So to make love myself I don’t really need anything but myself and a little bit of more practice of deep meditation. Very good, because it doesn’t even depend on if I can afford a massage or a nice dinner!



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